What To Do?
I am stuck. I feel that I cannot possibly make the correct decision. What do you do in that kind of situation?
I interviewed for a new job. It's a wonderful job. It's honestly exactly what I want to do with life. I would be teaching high school English to at-risk youth. There would be no more than 12 students in a class, and often, only 8 students each class. How great is that? All the teachers I have talked to that work there or used to work there rave about it. They tell me how much they love it there, how they adore the kids, and how they feel they are really making a difference in these kids' lives. Even better--I'd have the summers off. I'd have a Christmas break--a REAL Christmas break. I'd be able to spend more time with my little one. The biggest reason for this change is to get away from D. I need to show my husband that I am in this marriage--completely and totally. We are not sure this can happen when I work right next door to him. My husband has given me the greatest gift I can imagine--a chance to earn forgiveness. I blew apart his image of me and our marriage only 2 1/2 months ago, and yet he does not throw this in my face. We don't even fight about it. This is an amazing gift, and I feel I owe it to him (and more importantly--us) to give him this gift in return.
What's the problem? This new fabulous job is a $17,000 pay cut. OUCH! I knew it would be a cut in pay because I would be going from a 12 month position to a 9 month position, but I had no idea it would be that bad of a cut. Also, even after 22 years of experience, I would only be making $2,000 more than I am RIGHT NOW with only 5 years of experience. I know that people say 'money isn't everything,' but those are usually people with money. I am scared that if I take this cut, my family will suffer. I fear that I will not be providing for my family like I should be. I won't be able to give Gabriel the childhood I want to give him. I may not be able to become a mother again, which is a true passion of mine. And I truly fear that though I will be away from D and he will no longer be an issue in my marriage, my husband and I will now have yet another huge issue to fight about--money. A friend of mine recently told me that money is the #2 reason for divorce. #1? Adultery. Can my marriage actually survive both of these calamities?
So here I am, unable to make a choice. A choice that will change not only my life forever, but the lives of my husband and child. I cannot stay at my job because of D. I cannot leave my job because of money. So which is the lesser of evils?
"When God closes one door, he opens another" or "For every door closed by God, a window is opened" are phrases that come to mind. Gabriel is still young, and though I would love to have my summers off with him, I don't really need them off just yet. My goal is to have the same schedule as him once he's in the 1st grade. There will be other doors that open for me, hopefully paying more. However, what is this is THE door for me? What if the Children's Home is the window I'm supposed to jump through? How do I know which choice is the right one, and what if there just isn't a right choice?
I interviewed for a new job. It's a wonderful job. It's honestly exactly what I want to do with life. I would be teaching high school English to at-risk youth. There would be no more than 12 students in a class, and often, only 8 students each class. How great is that? All the teachers I have talked to that work there or used to work there rave about it. They tell me how much they love it there, how they adore the kids, and how they feel they are really making a difference in these kids' lives. Even better--I'd have the summers off. I'd have a Christmas break--a REAL Christmas break. I'd be able to spend more time with my little one. The biggest reason for this change is to get away from D. I need to show my husband that I am in this marriage--completely and totally. We are not sure this can happen when I work right next door to him. My husband has given me the greatest gift I can imagine--a chance to earn forgiveness. I blew apart his image of me and our marriage only 2 1/2 months ago, and yet he does not throw this in my face. We don't even fight about it. This is an amazing gift, and I feel I owe it to him (and more importantly--us) to give him this gift in return.
What's the problem? This new fabulous job is a $17,000 pay cut. OUCH! I knew it would be a cut in pay because I would be going from a 12 month position to a 9 month position, but I had no idea it would be that bad of a cut. Also, even after 22 years of experience, I would only be making $2,000 more than I am RIGHT NOW with only 5 years of experience. I know that people say 'money isn't everything,' but those are usually people with money. I am scared that if I take this cut, my family will suffer. I fear that I will not be providing for my family like I should be. I won't be able to give Gabriel the childhood I want to give him. I may not be able to become a mother again, which is a true passion of mine. And I truly fear that though I will be away from D and he will no longer be an issue in my marriage, my husband and I will now have yet another huge issue to fight about--money. A friend of mine recently told me that money is the #2 reason for divorce. #1? Adultery. Can my marriage actually survive both of these calamities?
So here I am, unable to make a choice. A choice that will change not only my life forever, but the lives of my husband and child. I cannot stay at my job because of D. I cannot leave my job because of money. So which is the lesser of evils?
"When God closes one door, he opens another" or "For every door closed by God, a window is opened" are phrases that come to mind. Gabriel is still young, and though I would love to have my summers off with him, I don't really need them off just yet. My goal is to have the same schedule as him once he's in the 1st grade. There will be other doors that open for me, hopefully paying more. However, what is this is THE door for me? What if the Children's Home is the window I'm supposed to jump through? How do I know which choice is the right one, and what if there just isn't a right choice?
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