Losing Her
I am losing my best friend. My only friend, other than my husband. I am afraid that I may have already lost her, and I didn't even see it happening.
A very horrible thing happened to my Sunshine three months ago. She's been trying to recover ever since, and though she is making great strides, she still has setbacks, which are to be expected, of course. I thought I was doing a good job at helping her through these setbacks. I felt that I was being the strong friend she needed. I think I might have been blinded in the past two months with my own problems to see the real truth--she's been slipping away from me ever since that fateful day.
Sunshine isn't sunshine-y all the time. She comes from a very dysfunctional family. When I say dysfunctional, I mean totally fucked up beyond belief. Fucking insane. And they treat her like shit. Lower than that. She has many emotional problems because of them. She has low self-confidence because of them. That's an understatement. It's almost self-loathing sometimes. It's so upsetting because she is such a wonderful person at heart. She rarely sees this.
She's visiting her family right now. They live in Hawaii. You'd think when one goes from Indiana to Hawaii, one would be having the time of one's life. Not Sunshine. Not around this insane family that doesn't understand morality. She's suffering horribly right now, and I can't do anything about it. And not only can I not do anything, she doesn't want me to be able to. I am shut out.
And now, even after suffering a panic attack and only surviving because a true friend was there for her, she is still thinking of moving there. Moving there. Moving to a place where she won't have the friends who love and adore her, and want to protect her. She'll be right there, with her crazy mother who will just turn Sunshine into a blubbering mess. And I am just so scared for her. And for me.
It's bad enough that we've never been as close as I wanted us to be. It's bad enough to find out that she can turn to a man she hated up until six months ago easier than turning to me. At least there are moments of bonding. There are moments when I feel needed and loved. But if she goes, if she leave for Hawaii, I'll lose her forever.
I guess it just begins now.....or did it begin three months ago...? And does it really matter...? If I'm losing her, does it matter if it's three months ago, now, or three months from now? The end result is the same. I'm left alone....without my Sunshine.
A very horrible thing happened to my Sunshine three months ago. She's been trying to recover ever since, and though she is making great strides, she still has setbacks, which are to be expected, of course. I thought I was doing a good job at helping her through these setbacks. I felt that I was being the strong friend she needed. I think I might have been blinded in the past two months with my own problems to see the real truth--she's been slipping away from me ever since that fateful day.
Sunshine isn't sunshine-y all the time. She comes from a very dysfunctional family. When I say dysfunctional, I mean totally fucked up beyond belief. Fucking insane. And they treat her like shit. Lower than that. She has many emotional problems because of them. She has low self-confidence because of them. That's an understatement. It's almost self-loathing sometimes. It's so upsetting because she is such a wonderful person at heart. She rarely sees this.
She's visiting her family right now. They live in Hawaii. You'd think when one goes from Indiana to Hawaii, one would be having the time of one's life. Not Sunshine. Not around this insane family that doesn't understand morality. She's suffering horribly right now, and I can't do anything about it. And not only can I not do anything, she doesn't want me to be able to. I am shut out.
And now, even after suffering a panic attack and only surviving because a true friend was there for her, she is still thinking of moving there. Moving there. Moving to a place where she won't have the friends who love and adore her, and want to protect her. She'll be right there, with her crazy mother who will just turn Sunshine into a blubbering mess. And I am just so scared for her. And for me.
It's bad enough that we've never been as close as I wanted us to be. It's bad enough to find out that she can turn to a man she hated up until six months ago easier than turning to me. At least there are moments of bonding. There are moments when I feel needed and loved. But if she goes, if she leave for Hawaii, I'll lose her forever.
I guess it just begins now.....or did it begin three months ago...? And does it really matter...? If I'm losing her, does it matter if it's three months ago, now, or three months from now? The end result is the same. I'm left alone....without my Sunshine.
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