ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
I don't even know what to say. I really don't. I'm just so.....shitty.
Why is it that because I cheated on my husband, he gets to make me feel like shit? Why is it that because I did a bad thing to him, he gets to do many bad things to me too? And how long does he have this right? It's been five and a half weeks since he found out. Does he get five and a half more weeks? Does he get five and a half more months? How about years?
What ever happened to two wrongs don't make a right?
Did you know that it's totally okay to eavesdrop on your spouse's conversations? Yep. I didn't know that until tonight. It's okay if that's the only way you can find out how your spouse truly feels. Reasoning? Because your spouse is doing something wrong by not telling her feelings, so eavesdropping is almost expected. Maybe it should be exalted. So if your spouse has done something wrong, you're totally fine doing something wrong as well. Justified. AND, get this. You don't have to apologize for it. In fact, you can make your spouse feel like it's HER fault for you doing something wrong.
I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I love my husband. I truly do, though I am sure he doubts that at times. I understand why he would. I did a wretched, horrible thing. But how many times can I say that I've done a wretched, horrible thing and not want to tear my eyes out? How many times can I be made to feel like shit before I completely break? Hell, I think I might have broken already. I already want to apologize for anything and everything that comes up, even though the very core of me is fighting it. I already punch myself repeatedly in the legs out of frustration. What is the next step? How will I try to escape next?
I just want to not be wrong for once. I want a mistake to either be both of ours, or just his, whichever it may happen to be. I want for everything to stop being blamed on me. I want to feel like I have a shred of dignity, or maybe an ounce of worth. Just an ounce. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is it that because I cheated on my husband, he gets to make me feel like shit? Why is it that because I did a bad thing to him, he gets to do many bad things to me too? And how long does he have this right? It's been five and a half weeks since he found out. Does he get five and a half more weeks? Does he get five and a half more months? How about years?
What ever happened to two wrongs don't make a right?
Did you know that it's totally okay to eavesdrop on your spouse's conversations? Yep. I didn't know that until tonight. It's okay if that's the only way you can find out how your spouse truly feels. Reasoning? Because your spouse is doing something wrong by not telling her feelings, so eavesdropping is almost expected. Maybe it should be exalted. So if your spouse has done something wrong, you're totally fine doing something wrong as well. Justified. AND, get this. You don't have to apologize for it. In fact, you can make your spouse feel like it's HER fault for you doing something wrong.
I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I love my husband. I truly do, though I am sure he doubts that at times. I understand why he would. I did a wretched, horrible thing. But how many times can I say that I've done a wretched, horrible thing and not want to tear my eyes out? How many times can I be made to feel like shit before I completely break? Hell, I think I might have broken already. I already want to apologize for anything and everything that comes up, even though the very core of me is fighting it. I already punch myself repeatedly in the legs out of frustration. What is the next step? How will I try to escape next?
I just want to not be wrong for once. I want a mistake to either be both of ours, or just his, whichever it may happen to be. I want for everything to stop being blamed on me. I want to feel like I have a shred of dignity, or maybe an ounce of worth. Just an ounce. Is that too much to ask for?
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