An Island of Three

I have realized tonight that I have my son and my husband, and that is really all I have in life. I am a bad person. I say bad things about people who are supposed to be my friends. I am judgemental. My words have no meaning, and I will basically be ignored for the rest of my life.

I really feel I am misunderstood, but maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just not 'friend material.' Maybe I just am not meant to have great friends. Only good acquaintances. I try to reach out to others. I try to listen and empathize. It all turns out wrong, and I end up feeling worse than I did before I attempted helping someone else.

I always thought I was a good person. I always thought I was a great friend. I love to love people. I love to pour myself into them. I love to dote on them as much as possible. Why then do I have no one but my son and husband, one of which is only 3 years old and has no choice but to love me? Of course he's going to love the person who wipes the shit off his ass. Is my husband delusional? What does he see in me that no one else can?

I guess it could be worse. I could be completely alone. At least I know I will always have my two boys. I'll always have an island of three.