Anger in Coming to Terms
Okay, so I'm not really coming to terms, but I sure am angry. And frustrated. And scared.
I'm still not accepting the reality of being so fucked up I need therapy. And before you start lecturing me, yea, yea, I know that 'everyone has issues,' and that just because therapy was suggested that I'm not 'fucked up.' But knowing that in my brain and feeling how I feel in my heart are two different things.
I feel like a traitor in my own body. I feel like I'm not allowed to feel the way I do. I feel like I'm betraying myself with every action I make. How should I feel? How should I act? Who am I?
I'm dreading Thursday (my first appointment), but I am hoping like Hell that it'll clear some things up, or at least make me feel like I have some point in life. Like I have a life to lead for myself, and not just for others. That's a lot to expect from one session, I know.
Ugh. They say ignorance is bliss. I'm beginning to believe them.
I'm still not accepting the reality of being so fucked up I need therapy. And before you start lecturing me, yea, yea, I know that 'everyone has issues,' and that just because therapy was suggested that I'm not 'fucked up.' But knowing that in my brain and feeling how I feel in my heart are two different things.
I feel like a traitor in my own body. I feel like I'm not allowed to feel the way I do. I feel like I'm betraying myself with every action I make. How should I feel? How should I act? Who am I?
I'm dreading Thursday (my first appointment), but I am hoping like Hell that it'll clear some things up, or at least make me feel like I have some point in life. Like I have a life to lead for myself, and not just for others. That's a lot to expect from one session, I know.
Ugh. They say ignorance is bliss. I'm beginning to believe them.
1 Comments:
Its okay to be angry and frustrated and scared. You should also feel brave for doing this. Most people would just walk away and not deal with it.
I'm confident that you will come out of this first appointment feeling better about the whole situation.
Ignorance is bliss, but when it comes to matters of the heart none of us should be ignorant.
You are a strong person. Never forget that.
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