Discarded

I feel discarded. Thrown away. Tossed aside.

For some reason, most of the people in my life that I grow close to use and abuse me from time to time. Sometimes it's just something little, and I get over it and move on. Other times I am cut out of their lives completely.

This time I feel discarded. I feel like I was used to ease tremendous pain, and when I wasn't good enough to help the wound heal anymore, I was dumped. I was a wonderful friend to someone in need. Someone who I wasn't even supposed to be friends with. I went against the wishes of friends and family to be there for him. I knew he needed me, so I stood by his side. And he thanked me many times. And then he effectively said goodbye, but not in such nice terms. I guess that was my last "thank you."

I don't get it. I really have a hard time understanding why this keeps happening to me. I am a wonderful person. I'm not tooting my own horn here. I really AM a great friend. I'm caring. I'm honest. I'm one of the most open people you'll ever meet. I have no problem dropping everything of mine to pick up something of yours. Yet I get shit on. Repeatedly.

Am I too kind? Do I allow people to get too close? But honestly, I don't see a point in life if you don't break down those brick walls and let people in. You've got to lead with your heart to get any enjoyment out of this wicked, evil, twisted thing called life.

So I suppose I'll keep going. I'll move on. And I'll continue to keep those walls from building around my heart. I'll get hurt....again. But at least I'll love as well. Not everyone can say that.