(Not) Accepting Reality
Sometimes, accepting reality is a very difficult thing to do.
My husband and I went to our first counseling session yesterday. The good news? The counselor thinks we're doing everything right, and we're on the right course for healing. The bad news? Well, she says I'm co-dependent and need intensive therapy as well as attendance at a women's group. Greaaaaat. My husband? Nah, no real issues there. "You'll just need one or two sessions" is her reply to his question about individual therapy.
I'm having a very hard time 'embracing' this new title. Me? Co-Dependent? That's exactly what I can't stand. Needy. Clingy. Weak.
Imagine waking up one day and finding out you're the complete opposite of who you thought you were. Before yesterday, I thought I was a strong, independent woman who was capable of just about anything. Then I hear, "No, you're not. You're really not. You need a TON of work to make you whole/right again."
My husband is trying hard to be supportive of me, but he just can't understand. He gets to be validated in therapy. I get to feel screwed. He gets to hear he's normal for reacting so harshly. I get to hear that even through all my sacrifices, I'm only trusted 80% of the time. He gets to hear that he really doesn't need counseling. I get to hear "You're severely fucked up, lady."
Reality bites.
My husband and I went to our first counseling session yesterday. The good news? The counselor thinks we're doing everything right, and we're on the right course for healing. The bad news? Well, she says I'm co-dependent and need intensive therapy as well as attendance at a women's group. Greaaaaat. My husband? Nah, no real issues there. "You'll just need one or two sessions" is her reply to his question about individual therapy.
I'm having a very hard time 'embracing' this new title. Me? Co-Dependent? That's exactly what I can't stand. Needy. Clingy. Weak.
Imagine waking up one day and finding out you're the complete opposite of who you thought you were. Before yesterday, I thought I was a strong, independent woman who was capable of just about anything. Then I hear, "No, you're not. You're really not. You need a TON of work to make you whole/right again."
My husband is trying hard to be supportive of me, but he just can't understand. He gets to be validated in therapy. I get to feel screwed. He gets to hear he's normal for reacting so harshly. I get to hear that even through all my sacrifices, I'm only trusted 80% of the time. He gets to hear that he really doesn't need counseling. I get to hear "You're severely fucked up, lady."
Reality bites.
1 Comments:
Sounds like you've taken the first and most difficult step in a very rewarding process. You should be proud of yourself for what you have already done. You should see yourself as a strong person for being able to do this. You should also try to focus on the "good news." You are doing everything right so far and you're on the right course for healing. That's a huge step in the right direction. You are a very strong woman who is making huge sacrifices for the sake of her marriage. Don't think that goes unnoticed. Don't think that because I blurted out 8 at a moment in time that I only trust you 80% of the time. Please don't. Its not true. We both have issues to work on. You are not alone in this journey.
Your hardwork, sacrifice and committment have done more for us than you can imagine. I see you as a woman who is willing to sacrifice all for the sake of her marriage. If that isn't the definition of a strong person, I don't know what is. Please know that I will always be here with you, by your side, even if I don't understand what you are going through, and I will not fail you. I love you.
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