Negativity's Breeding Ground
I have grown so negative lately. When I wake in the morning, I'm fine. Tired and groggy, but fine. But by the time I reach work, my stomach is aching and I'm professing that I detest my job. I'm known as Smiles, not Grumpy, for a reason. That reason seems to be hiding. My smile has faded, and I don't know how to get it back.
I don't have lesson plans or curriculum to go off. I don't have anything to base my classes off of, really. The standards. Woo. I have two to three different classes all in one. For example, in my morning classes, I have 10th grade, 11th grade, and 12th grade English students all in one classroom. How the hell am I supposed to teach like that?
Then there's the fact that these kids DO NOT listen. They just don't listen. You can be right there in their face, and they act like they aren't in school at all. They don't care, they don't give a fucking shit about education. I can't teach someone who doesn't want to learn.
On top of this, I have my own homework to do for my special education certification. I want to get out of the classes, but I've already been charged for the next class, so I don't even know if that's an option.
I keep telling myself I'll be fine by Halloween. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes that just cements the fact that I'm in Hell, and will be living there for quite some time.
Who knew I'd want to return to the DOC and the thugs I taught before?
I don't have lesson plans or curriculum to go off. I don't have anything to base my classes off of, really. The standards. Woo. I have two to three different classes all in one. For example, in my morning classes, I have 10th grade, 11th grade, and 12th grade English students all in one classroom. How the hell am I supposed to teach like that?
Then there's the fact that these kids DO NOT listen. They just don't listen. You can be right there in their face, and they act like they aren't in school at all. They don't care, they don't give a fucking shit about education. I can't teach someone who doesn't want to learn.
On top of this, I have my own homework to do for my special education certification. I want to get out of the classes, but I've already been charged for the next class, so I don't even know if that's an option.
I keep telling myself I'll be fine by Halloween. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes that just cements the fact that I'm in Hell, and will be living there for quite some time.
Who knew I'd want to return to the DOC and the thugs I taught before?
1 Comments:
Perhaps its not really negativity, but rather fatigue. Your life has caused you much stress and your bod is feeling the effects in full force. You are not a negative person. That is why this seems so out of character for you. Your attitude is not a negative one....you don't seem to dwell on things excessively or stay depressed for extended periods of time. You are able to see the bigger picture and put things into perspective....that's not negative....that's actualy a very positive thing. Clearly your body is just tired. You need a brief respite, which will occur soon. It won't be the cure for all of this, but it will help to rejuvinate your spirits. You are a strong person who can endure even the toughest of times, but you're still human and everyone needs a break from life sometimes. Your break is coming.
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