Hate To Hurt
I hate hurting people. This week, I was forced to hurt someone that was once near and dear to my heart. I loathe myself for doing it, but honestly, he forced me into the situation.
Wednesday was a looooong day for me. It was the first day I had to send someone out of my class. I had to request several classes to be quiet more than I can even remember, and getting them to work? Pulling teeth. I was exhausted at the end of the day, and I still had to stay late and plan a lesson for the next day. I went downstairs to make copies, and I checked my mailbox.
There it was. A large envelope. With D's return address on it.
My heart instantly started pounding and my cheeks flushed. "What the hell?" I must admit I was intrigued. Inside was a folder full of love quotes and information meaningful to D and me. I could only bring myself to read a few pages. I had to stop. I knew it was wrong.
I told my husband what had transpired. I sat and pondered what to do with the package while I made copies, but I kept coming back to the knowledge that I HAD to tell my husband. We are forging a new relationship, and complete honesty (even when it's uncomfortable) is a huge portion of our new plan. When I left the school, I immediately called him and told him what I had received. He wasn't angry with me at all. In fact, he said he has expected something like this to happen, just not this early.
As a team, we discussed our options. We could either throw the package away, or we could send it back to D. We chose the latter. We both realized this would be the message we needed to send. D will now know that I cannot have a relationship with him, even one as distanced as he was attempting.
I know what I did was right for my marriage, but that doesn't mean I don't feel a twinge of guilt. In fact, I feel more than just a twinge. I know it will hurt D when he sees a package from me, and then realizes it's just the one he sent to me, being thrown back at him. But what else was I to do? Like I said, D forced me into this position.
I hate to hurt people, but when it comes down to the choice between my husband, marriage and family versus someone I cared for that must now remain in my past, the choice is easy to see. Is there even a choice? My husband comes first from now on.
Wednesday was a looooong day for me. It was the first day I had to send someone out of my class. I had to request several classes to be quiet more than I can even remember, and getting them to work? Pulling teeth. I was exhausted at the end of the day, and I still had to stay late and plan a lesson for the next day. I went downstairs to make copies, and I checked my mailbox.
There it was. A large envelope. With D's return address on it.
My heart instantly started pounding and my cheeks flushed. "What the hell?" I must admit I was intrigued. Inside was a folder full of love quotes and information meaningful to D and me. I could only bring myself to read a few pages. I had to stop. I knew it was wrong.
I told my husband what had transpired. I sat and pondered what to do with the package while I made copies, but I kept coming back to the knowledge that I HAD to tell my husband. We are forging a new relationship, and complete honesty (even when it's uncomfortable) is a huge portion of our new plan. When I left the school, I immediately called him and told him what I had received. He wasn't angry with me at all. In fact, he said he has expected something like this to happen, just not this early.
As a team, we discussed our options. We could either throw the package away, or we could send it back to D. We chose the latter. We both realized this would be the message we needed to send. D will now know that I cannot have a relationship with him, even one as distanced as he was attempting.
I know what I did was right for my marriage, but that doesn't mean I don't feel a twinge of guilt. In fact, I feel more than just a twinge. I know it will hurt D when he sees a package from me, and then realizes it's just the one he sent to me, being thrown back at him. But what else was I to do? Like I said, D forced me into this position.
I hate to hurt people, but when it comes down to the choice between my husband, marriage and family versus someone I cared for that must now remain in my past, the choice is easy to see. Is there even a choice? My husband comes first from now on.
1 Comments:
Don't see this as hurting someone, see it as loving another person. Your actions may have caused someone pain, but it was pain that was brought upon himself by actions you asked him to cease. Focus on the fact that your actions caused great joy and hopefullness in your husband and helped to cement his beliefs in your ability to reconcile and live a long and happy life. Rejoice in the fact that you did the right thing for your family, your husband, and yes, even yourself. Doing that shows your strength of character and your ability to stick to you word no matter what. A weaker person would not have made the same choices you did in that situation. Be proud of yourself...your friends and your family are!
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