Animosity

I don't know why I feel this way. I don't like feeling this way. But it's almost as if the harder I try NOT to feel this way, the more I do.

I wrote earlier about the healing power of forgiveness. I wrote about Derek aka Jackhole. I really felt like I was beginning to surrender to the hateful feelings. But they're back. With a vengeance. He's trying to be friendly. He's trying to be social. And it gets on my last nerve.

He's manipulating me, or at least trying to do so. Why is he all smiles, like nothing ever happened? Why does he act like he didn't smash my heart into a billion little pieces. Does he know he's doing this? Is he enjoying my pain?

Is he pretending? Does he hurt just like me? And if he does, am I expected to pretend right along with him? I can't. I can't forget what he did to me.

I don't want any of this animosity. But how do you let go? How do you dump it? I need to get rid of it. I just need some help doing so.

Help.