Defeated, Again

Well, my Colts lost tonight. They made some major mistakes that could have won us the game had they not happened. Hopefully we will learn from this and move on.

I absolutely adore football, but one thing that really grates my nerves is when people find out what team you root for and then say "Oh, they suck." I hope tonight we have proven that we do not suck. 27-24 is not a score from a "sucky" team. We need work on defense, and we need work on turnovers. But, HELL! We were playing the SuperBowl champions. I'd say a 3 point loss ain't that bad, wouldn't you?

Animosity

I don't know why I feel this way. I don't like feeling this way. But it's almost as if the harder I try NOT to feel this way, the more I do.

I wrote earlier about the healing power of forgiveness. I wrote about Derek aka Jackhole. I really felt like I was beginning to surrender to the hateful feelings. But they're back. With a vengeance. He's trying to be friendly. He's trying to be social. And it gets on my last nerve.

He's manipulating me, or at least trying to do so. Why is he all smiles, like nothing ever happened? Why does he act like he didn't smash my heart into a billion little pieces. Does he know he's doing this? Is he enjoying my pain?

Is he pretending? Does he hurt just like me? And if he does, am I expected to pretend right along with him? I can't. I can't forget what he did to me.

I don't want any of this animosity. But how do you let go? How do you dump it? I need to get rid of it. I just need some help doing so.

Help.