Will D Ever Disappear?
I have learned some news. Some news about D. You remember D. He's the man with whom I cheated on my husband. Yeah. Him. Well, his girlfriend/fiancee (I assume the latter is coming if it hasn't already...) is pregnant. This upsets me, and it's been gnawing at me all weekend on just exactly why it upsets me.
Am I jealous? Hell no. D and I were not meant to be together in any form or fashion, so no, I am not a jealous 'ex' (if you can even call me that) who begrudges another woman having his child.
So what is it if not jealousy? I've been having dreams (or maybe you could call them nightmares, who knows) about this issue. Why is it on my mind so frequently?
I've come to a conclusion. It's because D is a bold faced liar who almost ruined my life.
There, I said it. You would think I could heave a sigh of relief now and not think a thing about it. But no, the issue is still there.
The fact is, throughout our 'relationship,' D told me all about his girlfriend, who I know personally because I used to work with her. I never really liked her before D even showed interest in her, and of course, when he DID start showing some interest while he and I were 'involved,' jealousy ensued.
However, D told me over and over again about how his girlfriend really did not mean much to him. She was 'cool to hang with,' and she 'made him feel good about himself,' but he continually told me that she was not the one for him. He called her immature, said she had a ton of growing up to do, and that he could not see spending his life with her. Hell, he didn't even want to live with the girl. All of this he told me, and I bought every freaking lie, hook-line-and-sinker.
I cannot lay all the blame of the affair on D. The fault never lies on just one person. I am at fault as well. I went ahead with the relationship when I was already spoken for. I knew the ramifications when I met him at that hotel room, and only I can take the fall for that. However, I have to wonder to myself, would I have ever agreed to it had D not made such elaborate tales to gain entrance into my life, my heart, and inevitably, my pants? He was such a smooth talker, and even though some people attempted to warn me of his moves, I dismissed them and kept on with the relationship.
So now he is expecting a child with this woman. A woman whom he never saw himself marrying, or so he told me. Lies, all freaking lies, and I believed every single one of them. I almost gave up my entire life for this man, and now I find that the new life I would have been jumping into would have been an entire sham.
Yes, it upsets me to know I was such a fool to believe D, but at least I got out before the lies overtook me and completely destroyed my life. I went through hell because of this man, but at least the Hell is over with, and I am happy with my life. I wonder if he can say the same.
Am I jealous? Hell no. D and I were not meant to be together in any form or fashion, so no, I am not a jealous 'ex' (if you can even call me that) who begrudges another woman having his child.
So what is it if not jealousy? I've been having dreams (or maybe you could call them nightmares, who knows) about this issue. Why is it on my mind so frequently?
I've come to a conclusion. It's because D is a bold faced liar who almost ruined my life.
There, I said it. You would think I could heave a sigh of relief now and not think a thing about it. But no, the issue is still there.
The fact is, throughout our 'relationship,' D told me all about his girlfriend, who I know personally because I used to work with her. I never really liked her before D even showed interest in her, and of course, when he DID start showing some interest while he and I were 'involved,' jealousy ensued.
However, D told me over and over again about how his girlfriend really did not mean much to him. She was 'cool to hang with,' and she 'made him feel good about himself,' but he continually told me that she was not the one for him. He called her immature, said she had a ton of growing up to do, and that he could not see spending his life with her. Hell, he didn't even want to live with the girl. All of this he told me, and I bought every freaking lie, hook-line-and-sinker.
I cannot lay all the blame of the affair on D. The fault never lies on just one person. I am at fault as well. I went ahead with the relationship when I was already spoken for. I knew the ramifications when I met him at that hotel room, and only I can take the fall for that. However, I have to wonder to myself, would I have ever agreed to it had D not made such elaborate tales to gain entrance into my life, my heart, and inevitably, my pants? He was such a smooth talker, and even though some people attempted to warn me of his moves, I dismissed them and kept on with the relationship.
So now he is expecting a child with this woman. A woman whom he never saw himself marrying, or so he told me. Lies, all freaking lies, and I believed every single one of them. I almost gave up my entire life for this man, and now I find that the new life I would have been jumping into would have been an entire sham.
Yes, it upsets me to know I was such a fool to believe D, but at least I got out before the lies overtook me and completely destroyed my life. I went through hell because of this man, but at least the Hell is over with, and I am happy with my life. I wonder if he can say the same.
